Life throws curveballs. A relationship ends. Your health takes a hit. Personal stuff spirals out of control.
You can’t control what happens. But you can control how you respond. And how you respond? It’s everything.
There are two ways people deal with setbacks: victims and survivors.
The Victim Mindset: Stuck in Blame Mode
Victims focus on what went wrong. They point fingers. They stew over things they can’t control.
They’re locked in a mental loop that says, “Why even try? Nothing will change.”
The result?
- Zero progress.
- Paralysis disguised as overthinking.
- A steady erosion of confidence.
Here’s the harsh truth: Life doesn’t reward victims. The more you stay stuck blaming external forces, the more you lose control over your life.
The Survivor Mindset: Taking Ownership, Taking Action
Survivors, on the other hand, focus on what they can control.
They don’t waste time crying over what happened—they channel their energy into what’s next.
Survivors know that:
- Setbacks are inevitable.
- Action beats overthinking.
- Ownership is empowering.
Instead of saying, “This isn’t fair”, they ask, “What’s my next move?”
That’s the shift. It’s not about ignoring reality—it’s about deciding who’s in the driver’s seat: the storm or you.
Chris Donovan is a perfect example of this shift.
Chris Donovan: From Phone Technician to High-End Shoe Designer
Chris Donovan spent decades climbing telephone poles, working as a repairman.
But deep down, he always had a dream—designing women’s shoes.
He sketched in secret for years, never telling anyone about his passion. It seemed impractical. Unrealistic.
Then, at 50, life threw a curveball: he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was a wake-up call.
Suddenly, someday wasn’t guaranteed anymore.
Faced with the fragility of life, Chris realized he couldn’t keep putting off his dream.
So, he quit his job.
He cashed out his retirement savings.
He enrolled in Italy’s prestigious Polimoda Fashion School—an unlikely move for a guy with no formal fashion experience.
People thought he was crazy.
After all, who leaves a steady job in their 50s to start over in an entirely different field?
The odds weren’t in his favor, but Chris didn’t care.
He didn’t dwell on the odds or the doubts.
He focused on what he could control: perfecting his craft and creating designs that turned heads.
It wasn’t easy. He faced skepticism, financial pressure, and plenty of moments where giving up seemed tempting.
But he pushed through. He leaned into the discomfort. He turned “it’s too late” into “what’s next?”
Today, Chris Donovan designs luxury shoes sold around the world.
Because when life threw a curveball, he didn’t fold. He took action.
And that’s what makes all the difference.
How to Cultivate a Survivor Mindset
Want to stop feeling stuck? It starts with small, intentional changes. Here’s how:
1. Reframe Your Setbacks
Stop asking, “Why me?” Start asking, “What can I learn?”
Every loss contains a lesson. Survivors dig for it. Victims don’t.
2. Focus on Controllables
There’s a ton you can’t control. But there’s always something you can do.
Ask yourself: What’s one small action I can take today?
Action creates momentum. Even if it’s tiny.
3. Take Small, Consistent Wins
Survivors know big moves aren’t necessary. What matters?
- Small wins.
- Daily progress.
- Keeping promises to yourself.
Confidence isn’t built by talking—it’s built by doing.
4. Audit Your Circle
If you’re surrounded by people stuck in blame mode, guess what happens? You start blaming too.
Surround yourself with action-takers. People who challenge you to do better.
Environment matters—big time.
5. Embrace Discomfort
Survivors understand that discomfort is part of the process.
Growth happens when you push beyond your comfort zone.
It’s in those moments of uncertainty and challenge where real progress is made.
Ask yourself: “Am I avoiding this because it’s hard, or because it’s not right for me?”
Survivors know the difference—and they lean into the hard stuff.
6. Redefine Failure
To a victim, failure is an end. To a survivor, failure is feedback.
Every setback is simply information about what didn’t work.
Survivors use that information to adjust, pivot, and try again.
Remember: Failure isn’t final unless you quit.
7. Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Imaginary rules run your life. Rules like:
- I can’t do that.
- People like me don’t succeed.
- I need approval before making a move.
Newsflash: These rules are made up. Survivors break them.
Ask yourself: What if this rule isn’t true?
You’ll be surprised how much opens up when you stop playing by imaginary limits.
Why This Shift Matters
This isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about recognizing reality and choosing how you respond.
When you adopt a survivor mindset, you:
- Take back control of your life.
- Build real resilience.
- Make progress, even when things feel hard.
Life’s going to keep throwing punches.
That’s guaranteed. You don’t get to control that.
But you do get to control how you react. And that choice? That’s what separates people who stay stuck from people who build momentum.
Final Thought
Every setback presents a choice: Are you going to react like a victim or respond like a survivor?
The next time life gets rough, remember:
Victims wait. Survivors act.
If you want to build confidence, take action—even if it’s small. If you want to move forward, stop blaming and start owning.
You can’t always control the storm, but you can decide how you rebuild.
This post was inspired by Shane Parrish interview with Dr. Julie Gurner.
