Banny Rashidi grew up dreaming of being a mom.
As a little girl in Iran, she imagined raising a child who would live a life she could only dream of—carefree and joyful, filled with friends, milestones, and endless possibilities.
When she moved to the U.S. in her 30s, she was ready to make that dream a reality.
She met her husband, and soon, they were expecting a baby girl.
The moment Banny held her daughter, Saba, for the first time, her heart swelled with joy.
She pictured Saba singing in the car with friends, walking across a graduation stage, and choosing her own path in life.
But life doesn’t always go as planned.
When Saba was 15 months old, Banny started noticing subtle differences.
Saba wasn’t interacting with toys or people like other kids her age.
At first, Banny dismissed her worries. “She’ll catch up,” she thought.
But as the months passed, Saba began losing the skills she had already learned.
Her eye contact vanished. She stopped babbling. Peek-a-boo was no longer a favorite game.
At 18 months, Saba was diagnosed with profound autism and apraxia—a condition that made it difficult for her to form words.
The doctor’s words were a blur: “Severe challenges with communication, sensory overload, developmental delays…”
The dreams Banny had for Saba’s future—the singing, graduations, and carefree happiness—felt like they had been erased.
The Reality of Caregiving
Life became a whirlwind of exhaustion and heartbreak.
Saba struggled to sleep at night, leaving the entire family drained.
There were days when Banny found herself in situations she never imagined:
- Cleaning up after Saba smeared poop all over her room.
- Enduring tantrums where Saba would pull her hair, pinch herself, or bite Banny.
The guilt was overwhelming.
Banny blamed herself, questioning every decision she made during pregnancy:
- “Was it the vitamins I skipped?”
- “Did I use the wrong shampoo?”
- “Am I being punished for something?”
The weight of anxiety and self-blame threatened to consume her.
A Moment of Clarity
One morning, while walking on the beach to clear her mind, Banny saw a bird with one leg.
It moved slower than the others but was still part of the group—flying, eating, and living its life.
In that moment, Banny realized: “This bird didn’t do anything wrong. Life just happens.”
She stopped asking, “Why me? Why Saba?” and instead focused on “What can I do with what we have?”
This shift in mindset became a turning point.
Redefining Happiness
Banny let go of the idea of being a “typical family.”
She stopped comparing and started finding joy in the small things.
When Saba learned to ride a bike at 11, they didn’t go on trails. Instead, they rode in empty parking lots, laughing and smiling.
Family car rides became a new favorite activity.
- Banny and her husband sang.
- Saba made sounds.
- Together, they danced, clapped, and celebrated their kind of fun.
During an interview with Maya Shankar on A Slight Change of Plans, Maya pointed out something profound:
"Banny, it’s not lost on me that your teenage daughter is in the car with the music playing, dancing, and making sounds. That is pretty damn close to that dream you had for her when you imagined motherhood.”
It hit Banny like a revelation.
She realized that while her dreams for Saba had changed, they weren’t gone—they had simply taken a new form.
Living in a Parallel Universe
Today, Banny describes her life as living in a “parallel universe.”
It’s not typical, but it’s rich with joy and meaning.
She no longer mourns the life she imagined. Instead, she celebrates the life they have.
- A hug from Saba.
- A quiet moment of laughter.
- A family car ride filled with music.
“Who cares if she doesn’t graduate or drive?” Banny says. “There are so many other things life has to offer.”
The Bigger Lesson
Banny’s story reminds us that happiness isn’t about clinging to what we thought life would look like.
It’s about embracing what is.
By letting go of her old expectations, Banny found unexpected joy in the present.
At the end of the day, she says: “My purpose is to help Saba enjoy her life to the fullest. And that is enough for me.”
The Takeaway
Life doesn’t always go as planned.
But even in the face of unexpected challenges, there’s room for joy, connection, and meaning.
Happiness isn’t about what could have been—it’s about celebrating what is.
And sometimes, the life we never imagined becomes the one we’re most grateful for.
This post was inspired by Maya Shankar's interview with Banafsheh Rashidi for A Slight Change of Plans Podcast.
