Change sucks.
It’s messy, uncomfortable, and never goes according to plan.
Yet, embracing change—expecting it to be difficult—is exactly what separates those who thrive from those who fall apart when life throws curveballs.
The truth? Growth comes with friction.
If it feels easy, you’re probably not growing.
Here’s why expecting difficulty matters—and 6 actionable strategies to help you build resilience when life gets hard.
Why Change Feels So Hard
Let’s get real: Change feels hard because it messes with your sense of stability.
As humans, we crave certainty. Predictable routines, familiar environments, a steady rhythm to life.
Change flips that on its head.
When things don’t go as planned, we resist. That resistance creates frustration, emotional friction, and a whole lot of unnecessary stress.
But here’s the twist:
Resisting change makes it harder.
Instead, what if you expected change to be messy?
Expecting change to be hard, as Brad Stulberg emphasizes in his book Master of Change, is key to reducing unnecessary emotional friction.
You move from frustration to acceptance.
And that acceptance? It’s where resilience starts.
Reframing Difficulty: Growth Feels Hard for a Reason
Think about lifting weights.
You tear muscle fibers, and your body responds by rebuilding them stronger.
Without stress, there’s no progress.
Your mind works the same way.
Discomfort isn’t failure—it’s a sign you’re growing.
The key isn’t avoiding discomfort; it’s learning to embrace it.
Here’s how:
1. Reframe Discomfort as Progress
Most people see discomfort as a sign that something’s wrong.
Flip the script.
What if discomfort was a signal that you’re on the right track?
Next time you feel stuck, ask:
- “What am I learning from this experience?”
That simple shift—from focusing on pain to focusing on progress—keeps you grounded when things feel tough.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
Feeling stuck?
That’s what happens when you spend too much time obsessing over things outside your control.
Here’s a harsh truth:
You can’t control everything—other people’s opinions, random outcomes, or life’s curveballs.
But you can control how you respond.
And that’s where the magic happens.
When you shift your focus to what’s within your control, you regain clarity and reduce anxiety.
Instead of wasting energy on the uncontrollable, you put it toward actions that actually make a difference.
Here’s how to do it:
- Make a list. Write down what you can control—your mindset, habits, actions. Keep it simple.
- Ask yourself this:
“What’s one thing I can do right now to improve this situation?”
It might be small. Doesn’t matter. Just take one step forward.
When you focus on what you can control, you stop spiraling and start moving.
Change feels a whole lot less overwhelming when you realize you have more power than you thought.
3. Take Micro-Steps Instead of Giant Leaps
Big goals are sexy.
But trying to change everything at once? Overwhelming.
Real transformation happens in micro-steps.
Small wins stack up.
Momentum builds.
Example: If you want to start working out, don’t commit to a one-hour session on day one.
Start with five minutes. Then ten. Then twenty.
The smaller the step, the easier it is to keep moving forward.
4. Lean on Your Ruggedness
Ruggedness is your secret weapon.
It’s the core strengths you’ve built over time—your values, past experiences, and hard-won lessons.
When life gets tough, those are your anchors.
Ask yourself:
- “When have I faced something like this before?”
- “What strengths helped me get through it?”
Leaning on your ruggedness reminds you that you’ve handled hard things before—and you can do it again.
5. Practice Mental Toughness Through Repetition
Mental toughness isn’t innate. It’s built.
Every time you face discomfort head-on, you strengthen that mental muscle.
Deliberate practice is the name of the game:
- Tackle hard projects.
- Have uncomfortable conversations.
- Step outside your comfort zone—regularly.
Over time, what once felt overwhelming becomes manageable.
6. Anchor Yourself with Core Values
When change throws chaos your way, it's easy to get swept up in emotion and lose sight of what matters.
But here’s the thing: Your values don’t change—even when everything around you does.
In moments of uncertainty, grounding yourself in your core values helps you stay centered and make decisions aligned with who you are.
How to do it:
When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself:
- “What’s most important to me right now?”
- “Which action aligns with my values, even if it’s uncomfortable?”
Staying anchored in your values doesn’t just reduce stress—it also gives you a sense of control, clarity, and confidence in the face of change.
Why Expecting Difficulty Builds Resilience
Neuroscience backs this up.
Expecting difficulty engages the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for rational thought.
This reduces the brain’s reliance on the amygdala—the fight-or-flight trigger.
In simpler terms:
When you expect things to be hard, you stay calmer.
You think more clearly. You react less emotionally.
The result?
Better decisions.
Less stress.
More progress.
Final Thought: Embrace the Hard Stuff
Building resilience isn’t about avoiding hard things. It’s about leaning into them.
- Expect difficulty.
- Reframe discomfort.
- Take small steps.
And remember:
Every hard moment is an opportunity to grow stronger.
In a world where change is constant, those who learn to embrace the hard stuff are the ones who thrive.
So, the next time life gets tough, remind yourself:
“This isn’t supposed to be easy—and that’s exactly why it’s worth it.”
This post was inspired by insights from Brad Stulberg's book, Master of Change.
