Let’s face it—life throws a lot of curveballs.
The economy fluctuates, people disappoint you, and the future is full of uncertainty.
It's easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated with all the things you can’t change.
But here’s the secret: the more you focus on what you can’t control, the more you let life happen to you.
The key to success, happiness, and mental strength is simple:
Focus on what you can control, and let go of everything else.
In Amy Morin’s 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, she explains that mentally strong people don’t waste their time obsessing over things they have no power over.
Instead, they pour their energy into things they can change—things that move them forward.
So, how do you shift your mindset and focus on the things you can control?
Let’s break it down.
Stop Wasting Time on What You Can’t Control
The truth?
You can’t control the economy, your boss, or even what others think of you.
These things are beyond your reach, and the more energy you spend trying to control them, the more miserable you’ll be.
Instead, mentally strong people know how to focus on the stuff that’s within their power to change.
This means your thoughts, actions, habits, and mindset. These are the areas where you hold the keys to success.
Why Focusing on What You Can’t Control is a Huge Mistake
# 1. It Drains Your Energy
The more you focus on the uncontrollable, the more mental energy you burn.
You’re constantly anxious about what could happen or worried about what other people are doing. It’s exhausting—and it leads nowhere.
# 2. It Paralyzes You
Overthinking things you can't control keeps you stuck. You can’t take action because you’re paralyzed by fear or frustration.
Instead of focusing on moving forward, you get stuck thinking about every worst-case scenario.
# 3. It Steals Your Power
When you focus on things you can’t control, you give away your power. You’re not taking ownership of your life.
You’re just reacting to everything around you. And that's a recipe for stress, burnout, and stagnation.
The Shift: Focus on What You Can Control
Here’s the game-changer: when you focus on what you can control, you take back your power. This is how mentally strong people build resilience and achieve success.
Here’s how you can make that shift.
# 1. Identify What’s in Your Control
It starts by identifying exactly what you can control. You can’t control others’ actions, but you can control how you respond to them.
You can’t control the future, but you can control the steps you take today to move closer to your goals.
# 2. Reframe Your Thinking
Stop using language that disempowers you. Instead of saying “I can’t do this,” say “I can’t do this yet.”
Adding that one word opens up possibilities and takes the pressure off. It shifts your mindset from fixed to growth.
# 3. Focus on Actions, Not Results
You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control the action. Focus on the small, consistent steps you can take today.
Take action every single day, and stop obsessing over whether things will work out in the end. Just keep moving forward.
# 4. Control Your Emotions
You can’t control how others behave, but you can control your own emotional responses.
The next time someone cuts you off in traffic or sends you an irritating email, practice emotional detachment.
Take a deep breath, center yourself, and respond calmly.
# 5. Stop Seeking External Validation
Your happiness and confidence shouldn't depend on others’ opinions. Stop worrying about how others perceive you.
Instead, build confidence from within by focusing on your own growth and progress. Make decisions based on your values, not the approval of others.
# 6. Set Boundaries and Say No
If you want to reclaim your time and energy, you have to start saying no.
Every “yes” to things you don’t want to do is a “no” to things that matter. Protect your time and focus on what you can control—your priorities.
# 7. Make the Present Moment Your Focus
Don’t waste time worrying about the future. The present moment is all you can control.
When you’re mindful and present, you’re able to take focused action and make decisions that align with your goals.
# 8. Develop a Growth Mindset
Mentally strong people see setbacks as opportunities for growth. They don’t waste time dwelling on failures or mistakes.
Instead, they focus on what they can learn from the experience. Adopt a growth mindset, and turn every challenge into a chance to improve.
The Benefits of Focusing on What You Can Control
When you make the conscious decision to focus only on what you can control, everything changes. Here’s how your life improves:
- Less Stress: Letting go of things beyond your control significantly reduces anxiety. You’ll feel lighter and more at peace.
- More Productivity: When you focus on your actions and not the outcome, you get more done. Your efforts are intentional and focused.
- Increased Confidence: Taking control of your thoughts, actions, and emotions builds mental strength. You’ll feel more empowered and capable.
- Better Relationships: Stop trying to change people. Accept them for who they are and focus on how you respond. This leads to healthier, more genuine relationships.
- More Happiness: By focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can’t, you’ll find greater fulfillment in the things that really matter.
Conclusion: Take Back Your Power
Stop wasting your energy on things outside of your control. The more you focus on what you can control, the more power you reclaim over your life.
Start by changing your thinking, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on your actions.
By doing this, you’ll see improvements in your productivity, mental strength, and overall happiness.
So, ask yourself:
- What’s one thing you can control right now?
- What’s one action you can take today that moves you closer to your goals?
Focus on that—and let everything else fall into place.
This post was inspired by insights from Amy Morin’s book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.
