by Jay 

Here’s #1 Simple Shift to Understand Yourself and Others More Deeply

0 Comments

Every action makes sense from the person’s perspective.

When we judge ourselves or others harshly, we’re often missing the full picture.

Instead of asking, “Why did I (or they) do that?” with judgment, the better question is, “What value or belief was behind that behavior?”

Here are some examples.

#1. Overthinking → Thoughtfulness 🤔

A person who overthinks isn’t simply indecisive—they care about making thoughtful, informed decisions. They want to consider all angles to avoid mistakes or hurting others unintentionally.

#2. People-Pleasing → Compassion 🌸

What looks like people-pleasing might come from a genuine desire to be kind and supportive. Their actions reflect a strong value for harmony and making others feel seen and appreciated.

#3. Stubbornness → Determination 💪

What seems like stubbornness could be a sign of strong convictions. They’re standing firm because their beliefs matter deeply to them, not because they refuse to listen.

#4. Disorganization → Creativity 💡

Someone who appears disorganized might actually be highly creative. Their messy process could be the result of juggling multiple ideas, allowing room for inspiration to flow freely.

The Bottom Line:

For every negative label, there’s a positive trait underneath.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me (or them)?” try asking, “What value or strength is driving this behavior?”

That simple shift can change how you view yourself—and everyone around you.

This post was inspired by Dr. Ellen Langer’s video, How to help someone change their behavior.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

“A supremely practical and useful book. James Clear distills the most fundamental information about habit formation, so you can accomplish more by focusing on less.”


- Mark Manson

#1 New York Times best-selling author

Atomic Habits Book Cover