- in Self-Care
With the same intentions we used to create conscious beginnings, we can establish, explore and create our intention for an ending.
We can consider how we want our relationship or connection to end.
Do we want it to end painfully, sweetly, as friends, or as enemies? These are all options and possibilities as we create our experiences, so why not create endings that we feel good about?
Exercise: Transforming the fear of letting go
This exercise helps us to explore our feelings of letting go of loved ones.
Let’s take a moment now to write down our fears and our pain around the ending of our relationships, be it with a friend, lover, or family member. Let’s take our time to be as genuine as we can, while remembering to breathe deeply throughout the process. We can choose to invite our friend, partner, or family member to also do the same process.
Through sharing our thoughts on the subject we can transform our dark fears of letting go in the light of day.
One of the most difficult things for us as women to do is to leave the person we love even though they continuously have abused us.
Many women say, “I love them and they love me.” I often ask those women, “What is love? Is it love to degrade, hurt and control another person?” No. It is not.
We can love something that is harmful, yes, yet if we can realize that we still can love this person from a distance that will empower us to take the step towards acting in a loving way towards ourselves.
Even if our partner’s actions are un-loving, at least our own actions towards ourselves can still show the strength of our self-love.
Our masculine essence, the part of us that keeps us safe, has not been protecting us and we must let that part of us stand for what we feel is right for us. We do not need to be ashamed of desiring respect and honor. We do not have to be afraid to leave what is not fully supportive of all that we are. We can love ourselves enough to leave.
Exercise: Loving ourselves enough to ensure our own safety
The following exercises are useful for getting clarity on our current situations so we may consciously choose how we wish to live.
At some point in our lives we will be confronted with people and situations that do not support who we truly are despite the fact that we still love these people.
Answering this following question is unique for each of us, let’s take the time now to answer honestly:
“Do you love yourself enough to care for yourself as much or more than those for whom you feel love?”
Knowing that love is not disrespectful, possessive, controlling, fearful and abusive, our natural curiosity of what love is arises. Bears Koffman shares a wonderful concept of what love is in his infamous quote, “love is to be happy with”. This simple construct enables a person to experience the pleasure of loving without conditions.
The Art of Succulent Living encourages us to live with an open heart while being interconnected with others and our environment. As sensual women, we understand love is respectful, accepting, detached, patient, kind and natural, and that it allows others the freedom to be who they truly are. This understanding of love gives us the power to consciously end relationships that are not life-giving.
Exercise: Creating conscious endings.
This exercise helps us to leave any connection feeling whole and loving.
Another method that promotes conscious endings is to have the person, which we either want to let go of or have the fear of letting go of, share where they are at mentally and emotionally. We can then reciprocate by sharing our own feelings and thoughts. Once this has happened, we can both give thanks for the time we have had together. In this way, we both can enter a quiet, meditative state wherein we can consciously cut cords from each other.
Energetic cords are formed with all our connections. This is especially true for the strong energetic cords formed during sexual encounters as compared to cords formed in friendship and in families. This is due to the nature of sexual energy and its bonding qualities. Thus, clearing these cords requires a conscious effort.
Let’s imagine taking a sharp knife and cutting through the cords be- tween our partner and ourselves. Whichever method we use, intention is really the key. Both parties must consciously intend to take back their energy from the other. This reclaiming of chi returns us to a virginal state.
Dissolving Our Past Connections
If cords from past relationships are not adequately cleared, a few things may occur. Often, when a cord is cut or dissolved over time (a period of seven years has been the typical lifespan of a cord), the person who was corded to us may attempt to re-cord themselves. This can show up in many ways, the most common form being an old lover that shows up after a long period of separation.
What can we do in these circumstances?
One way to clear old cords is to bring our awareness to their existence and then consciously choose to cut them. Having a person who is familiar with clearing the energy body can also be helpful if we don’t know how to let go of something we cannot really sense.
Questions: Have you noticed any old lovers come back into your life after a period of time? What did you choose to do when they showed up?
Exercise: Ceremony of cord cutting
This ceremony is for releasing others and reclaiming our lost energy.
When we are aware of the cords (energy links) between ourselves and another and we wish to clear them, we can take a moment to give thanks for all that person has brought into our life. Then either using a real knife or an imagined one, cut through the cords one by one by visualizing the energetic cords in your mind and seeing the knife slicing through the cords.
We can visualize our chi going back into us and imagine the other person receiving their chi back as well. Looking at the roots of the cords, we watch them dissolve completely until nothing is left. Asking that the highest good come to that person, we then run our orbit (see Chapter 7, micro-cosmic orbit) for a few minutes. Then we just relax and breathe deeply. When we sense a return of our energy, we welcome it back through acknowledging its return.
Excerpted from Emergence of the Sensual Woman: Awakening Our Erotic Innocence by Saida Désilets. Copyright by Saida Désilets.
Disclaimer. The information in this article is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
About the author
Saida Désilets, Ph.D is an international advocate for conscious, integrated sexuality. She has spoken in over 11 countries world-wide, including at the Kripalu Institute, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, and the St. James Church in London. She has guested on a variety of radio shows where she has talked passionately about her ‘Art of Succulent Living’ philosophy. Also, she has been featured in such prominent magazines as NEXUS and Réves De Femmes. She was a co-contributor to the best-selling books of Dr. Christiane Northrup and Dr. Rachel Abrams. Saida supports women to deeply understand their sensual/sexual nature and encourages them to self-define what sexuality is for themselves.
To know more about Saida, visit her website www.saidadesilets.com.