Ever been in a situation where someone’s actions felt so infuriating you couldn’t hold back your frustration?
You react. You snap. And later, you wish you hadn’t.
Here’s the thing:
That reaction? It’s hardwired.
Our brains are designed to prioritize self-preservation.
We naturally see the world through a personal lens—how it impacts us first.
But with consistent practice, you can train your brain to do something powerful:
Shift that lens outward. Respond with empathy instead of reactivity.
That’s where perspective-taking comes in.
How to Build Perspective-Taking Like a Pro
1. Start With Self-Awareness
You can’t understand others if you don’t understand yourself.
Next time you feel triggered—whether it’s anger, frustration, or irritation—pause and ask:
- What story am I telling myself about this situation?
- Am I assuming the worst about them?
- What emotions are fueling my reaction?
Self-awareness helps you separate emotions from facts.
And that little pause?
It’s where thoughtful responses are born.
2. Ask Smarter Questions
When emotions flare, your brain loves to jump to conclusions.
But instead of assuming the worst, try asking questions like:
- What might they be going through right now?
- Is there something I don’t know about their situation?
- If roles were reversed, how would I want them to respond to me?
These questions help you shift from judgment to curiosity.
And when you’re curious, empathy becomes easier.
3. Use the “Golden Pause”
In emotionally charged moments, a brief pause can save you from saying or doing something you’ll regret.
Here’s how to master it:
- Take a deep breath.
- Remind yourself: I don’t have all the information.
- Ask: Is there another way to see this situation?
The more often you practice pausing, the more automatic it becomes.
Eventually, your default reaction won’t be anger—it’ll be curiosity.
4. Practice Empathy Daily
Perspective-taking isn’t just for big conflicts. It’s a skill you can build in everyday moments.
Try this:
- When a friend vents, don’t rush to offer advice. Instead, say: “That sounds tough. How are you feeling about it?”
- When someone seems distracted, don’t assume they’re uninterested. Instead, think: “Maybe they’re dealing with something I don’t know about.”
By practicing empathy in low-stakes situations, you strengthen the mental muscle needed when emotions run high.
5. Expose Yourself to Different Perspectives
Your brain relies on past experiences to interpret present situations.
If your experiences are limited, your interpretations will be too.
Broaden your perspective by:
- Reading diverse stories: Books, articles, and essays from people with different backgrounds.
- Watching documentaries: Focus on topics that challenge your worldview.
- Having open conversations: Talk to people with different opinions. Listen to understand, not to argue.
Exposure rewires your brain to interpret situations more broadly—and with more empathy.
6. Visualize Their Experience
Struggling to understand someone’s perspective?
Try this mental exercise:
- Imagine what their day might have been like before this moment.
- Think about what emotions they might be feeling.
- Picture how they might interpret your actions.
Visualization makes their experience feel more real to you, which bridges the empathy gap.
7. Keep Practicing When It’s Hard
Here’s the truth:
Perspective-taking is easy when things are calm.
It’s hardest when emotions are running high—and that’s exactly when it matters most.
If you react without empathy, don’t beat yourself up.
It’s a skill, not a switch.
With continued effort, pausing and reflecting becomes second nature.
Why Perspective-Taking Works
From a neuroscience perspective, perspective-taking helps regulate your emotions.
It activates your prefrontal cortex (responsible for rational thought), while interrupting the fight-or-flight response from your amygdala.
Translation?
You stay in control instead of letting emotions control you.
And it’s not just about emotional regulation—it strengthens relationships too.
When people feel understood, they respond with empathy.
Over time, this creates a positive feedback loop, reducing conflict and improving connection.
Final Takeaway
Perspective-taking isn’t just a nice-to-have skill—it’s a game-changer.
It lowers your stress, helps you make better decisions, and strengthens your relationships.
- Start small.
- Pause.
- Ask better questions.
And remember:
Empathy isn’t a weakness.
It’s a superpower in a world that’s quick to judge and slow to understand.
This post was inspired by Shane Parrish interview with Lisa Feldman Barrett.
