Amy was gorgeous and successful—the kind of woman you’d think would have everything going for her.
But there was a shyness about her, a tendency to downplay herself with self-deprecating humor that masked her struggles.
She had a history of choosing the wrong men, and after coming out of a bad marriage, she had worked hard on herself. She believed she was ready to meet someone new.
So, Amy turned to online dating.
She waded through the awkwardness: the mismatched photos, the forgotten wallets, the no-shows.
It wasn’t easy, but she kept trying, convinced she’d eventually find someone worthwhile.
Then one day, she walked into her therapist Jennice Vilhauer's office in tears.
“I had the most awful date of my life,” she said.
Jennice asked, “How bad was he?”
“He was amazing,” Amy said, her voice tinged with regret. “Absolutely everything I’d been looking for.”
Jennice therapist listened as Amy recounted the date.
She had walked into it expecting the worst, ready for another forgettable evening.
She had told him to meet her for coffee after her yoga class. She hadn’t showered, hadn’t dressed up, hadn’t even put on makeup.
She showed up in gym clothes, her hair damp, her guard firmly in place.
And there he was.
Tall. Handsome. Impeccably groomed.
The kind of man she didn’t think she’d ever deserve.
But instead of rising to the moment, Amy froze.
She barely made eye contact.
She sat there, laughing nervously, staring at the floor.
She couldn’t bring herself to believe that this could be different from the other dates.
Finally, she mumbled an excuse about feeding the parking meter and left.
No goodbye. No second chance.
As she told her story, Jennice could see the pattern.
Amy had acted not on what she wanted but on what she expected.
She expected a bad date, so she didn’t prepare.
She couldn’t see the possibility for something better, even when it was sitting right in front of her.
What Amy’s story teaches us is this: we act based on what we expect, not what we want.
Our expectations—shaped by past disappointments—set the stage for how we approach new opportunities.
When we expect the worst, we subconsciously act in ways that make those expectations come true.
But there’s another choice. You can shift your expectations.
You can walk into the next opportunity with the belief that things might just go right.
What if you approached your goals, relationships, or challenges with a mindset that things could work out?
What if, instead of preparing for disappointment, you prepared for success?
That small shift in perspective can change the way you show up—and ultimately, the results you create.
So, the question is: what are you expecting? And what might happen if you dared to expect something good?
This post was inspired by Jennice Vilhauer’s Ted Talk, Why You Don't Get What You Want.